Confession One: This is actually mostly about chapter one of Radical, even though we’re supposed to be on chapter two. It just took me all week to get my act together and write it! Click on the links to read more posts from chapter one and chapter two.
Confession Two: Part of why it took me so long to write is that I am WAY long-winded. So, I split this in half. Click here to read the “preface” to this post. :)
“I could not help but think that somewhere along the way we had missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with what is comfortable. We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves.” – Radical by David Platt, p.7.
things that make me uncomfortable:
1. talking to people I don’t know… especially people who might respond in an “abnormal” way
2. making phone calls
3. sleeping in the same room as people who snore
4. creepy crawly things – spiders and roaches and snakes and rodents
5. not knowing what’s going to happen next
6. being scared for my safety
7. being in a bad part of town after dark
8. fire
9. smelly people and things
10. not having the house be clean and tidy
11. eating food I don’t like
12. feeling left out or unwanted
13. being around people are sick or dying
14. asking people for help/asking them to serve with me
15. holding hands with people (as in, prayer or comfort, not as in finding a new husband!)
16. asking people to donate money to a (my) cause
17. not having money stored up in case we lose our jobs
18. being away from home for too long
19. being away from Jesse for too long
20. not getting to watch “our” shows on Hulu or movies on Netflix
21. not having a camera or journal to chronicle my memories
22. being away from the internet/computer
23. being without a cell phone
24. feeling inadequate
25. being too hot
26. being too cold
27. not knowing the plan, the schedule – whether it’s for the day, or for the next 10 years
28. feeling lazy or at loose ends – not having a purpose or a task to-do or feeling productive
29. speaking Spanish and worrying people will laugh at my accent or poor grammar
30. singing or playing piano in front of others
31. not having a retirement plan
32. feeling stupid
33. worrying about something bad happening – getting in trouble, having something life-altering happening in my life…
These are ALL things that I put up as excuses to serve Jesus. While there are times that I certainly have overcome some of these things, I can think of a situation for every single item on that list where it has kept me from serving Him – a situation where my “comfort” has gotten in the way of my abandoning myself for His Kingdom.
For example, since May, I have wanted to start an ESL program for middle-eastern people in our community. There is a tremendous need for it (confirmed by several city leaders I met with last month). We have the space to use at my church. It wouldn’t cost anything. My pastor/boss/friend thinks it’s a great idea. I would love to put together the lesson plans. The reason it hasn’t started yet? See list items #2 and 14 – I don’t like making phone calls, and I don’t like asking people to serve with me. So, I don’t have any other volunteers to teach with me.
That’s just one example out of many. It makes me feel so ridiculous.
And here’s the deal. Allowing this list to get in the way isn’t just a problem because there are so many more needs to be met, so many more people to love and serve.
It’s a problem because when I let all these discomforts keep me from serving God, it is an enormous slap in the face to God. For me, it’s not that I’m saying, “God, You didn’t really mean you want me to go follow You by loving others.” It’s that I’m saying, “God, I know You want me to love and serve others others, but I don’t trust You enough to take care of me. I don’t trust You to provide. I don’t trust You to keep loving me. I don’t trust You to never leave me or forsake me.”
I don’t want to slap God in the face. So I take great comfort in knowing that He is at work in me anyways. I take comfort knowing that He works in His people through the work of the Holy Spirit. And I take comfort in knowing that there’s another thing that makes me uncomfortable, another fear I have, that I think will maybe, just maybe, surpass all those other ones, as God works in me:
34. Looking back at my life and realizing that I wasted it. Knowing that God commanded me to do something – live a life of radical obedience to Him – and I chose to ignore it and instead just live out my same-old, same-old life. Knowing that I disappointing the God who created me and saved me from eternity away from Him through Christ.
But [Jesus] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
You totally had me at the Venn diagram. I feel like I have the same issue with the list of things I don’t want to do. I’m sure God wants me to do things I am good at and comfortable with…right? I guess it is time to step out and get over myself or #34 may come true and nothing is scarier than that. Thanks for making me think.
I sure wish God wanted us to do only the things we’re good at and most comfortable with! If only it were that easy… you are right in your thoughts! I guess I am thankful though that He doesn’t let us get by that easily… because, while it might make for an easy life, I don’t think it would be the “best” life for us… Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Ohhh can I relate to so much of this post! I like things tidy, I like things planned, I like things ready for the unknown (savings, etc), I don’t like to be in uncomfortable social settings, and there are tooooo many time when I say, “Well, God surely you really didn’t mean…” which ACTUALLY means I’m saying either, “God, I don’t believe you.” or “God, I believe what you said, but am going to disobey anyway.” Scary, scary thoughts.
::SIGH:: So much to process during this Radical journey. At times I feel inspired and excited, and at times (like right now) I feel sick to my stomach.
Thank you for your honesty! It helps some to know I’m not the only one who does this. I don’t want to use my “not-alone in this” as a justification, but it’s nice to know that others are fighting this battle with me.
Thanks for your thoughts! I hear you on the “sick to my stomach” parts. That and “my chest feels really tight as I am utterly overwhelmed.” I know what you mean about not feeling alone… I appreciate your comment for that reason! :)
So, we have #’s 2,4,8,9,10,14,22,23,24,25 and 27 in common…and I am totally with you on 34…looks like we have our work cut out for us in surrendering our comfort for His glory.
Haha, I really appreciate that you went through and picked out all those numbers! :) We definitely do have our work cut out for us… I am thankful that we have the Holy Spirit who is going to do that work in us! But I don’t think it’s going to be an easy or “enjoyable” process! But definitely worth it! :)
Oh my gosh i love this post. I can soo relate and dont be surprised if i figure a way to kinda steal your idea for a future post on a related chapter for “Radical”. I have so many friends who do missions and give to third world countries…i even have a sister who b4 she was married went to Honduras. I have in my heart always wanted to do this…but like your list have had something either come up or stand in the way. Now that i am older/married/have 2 small children, among other things…i feel as if I will never see/support a third world country…even though i feel in my heart its one of the many things i need to do in my life to feel more “radical” for Jesus.
Thanks! Please do steal – I’d love to hear your thoughts in one of your posts! :)
Love how you posted this. Oh excuses…we can come up with so many so easily. I can totally relate. #34…such a reason to Do something!
I love your idea of listing out the things that make you uncomfortable. We can’t change until we know the things we need to change! I think if #34 outweighs the rest (and I’m guessing it will by the time this book is done), you will find yourself putting your comfort aside and making progress toward starting the ESL group. How cool that you already have identified the need and the way your church can help! The rest will come.
What a GREAT list! We should all do it! (maybe we will) And just like Lesley, you had me at the Venn diagram! LOVE!
This post is really incredible, Kelly. Thanks so much for sharing from so deep down in your heart.
AWESOME! And yes, I have such a difficult time with the not knowing. I am constantly asking my husband, “okay, so what are the plans for tomorrow, this weekend, next week, next month, next year . . . ” It’s such a waste! I need to start having faith that though God’s plans are rarely my own plans, HIS plans are perfect and ALWAYS better.